Me: Better By Monday

“Our human perceptual habits are remarkably stupid in some ways. We tune out 99 percent of all the sensory stimuli we actually receive, and we solidify the remainder into discrete mental objects. Then we react to those mental objects in programmed, habitual ways.”  -Bhante H. Gunaratana (Mindfulness in Plain English)

One of the objects which can develop in the mind is the concept of self. We use language to differentiate you from me. Language allows us to identify, quantify and qualify all incoming data including information about who we are. Impression management starts when labels are affixed to us like name tags. Smart Dave, Happy Cindy, Lazy Eric, and Debbie Ding-Dong are some combinations of given names with added labels.

Once we are taught the distinction of “me from you” the ability to frame events within the two concepts becomes natural. When good fortune falls at our door – we can exclaim, “I have good fortune!” If this happens enough, others may begin to believe the phenomenon has more to do with the person it happens to and not just the happening itself. The community could bestow upon a person who has consistent good fortune a title of significance, such as Lucky Larry.

The new title may have importance attached to it which fixes the idea of being fortunate upon the person – this could influence the person to start believing, “I’m special.”  There is nothing wrong with wanting to believe we are special but to assign it to something that is out of our control proves to be an unfortunate action.

The trip down the road of wanted (I’m special) and unwanted (I’m not enough) labels is treacherous. Some positive labels tarnish and erode the worth of the people wearing them more than a negative label. The pressure to be smart, pretty, lucky, or happy takes the enjoyment out of the experience.

It seems to come down to how we prefer to self-identify. If I can create a preferred way of being seen or have it given to me by others – I will also find the energy to keep that illusion going.  I become less “me” and more label-able. My ability to keep my perceived positive label is driven by my need for the label to be the truth but while I am trying to prove a label – I am losing touch with my real self.

One Thing To Do: Stay open to the incoming data from the world. Don’t allow the negatives or the positives to become what you must have or must hide about yourself. You can handle the labels thrown at you, without accepting them, by just observing them and deciding if you think they fit or not. Keep a piece of each one to try on and test how much of it remains within you.


Dawna Daigneault, Eds, LPC

Dawna Daigneault, Eds, LPC

Dawna Daigneault, Ed.S, LPC.

Zest of Life, LLC. Professional Counseling.

Vice: Better By Monday

“It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.”

-Abraham Lincoln

Finding some balance between letting our limitations overwhelm us like heavy weights around our ankles versus letting our strengths seem like impenetrable armor is difficult.

When I was young I was taught about the opposites that exist within me at home, in school, and at church. One part of me was my good side the other part was my bad side, in cartoons this was represented by an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.

Later in life I learned to frame the opposite ideas of good and bad differently. I was taught in college to help clients see their strengths and their limitations and that both can be good and bad. The context of how useful the strength could be, in different situations, made it a good or bad thing.

The idea that a personal strength could be a bad thing was a curious concept. How could something good like strength, ever be a bad thing? In an assessment called, The Friendly Style Profile (2004), a strength in excess can become a liability.

An example given in the profile is that a functional quality (or strength) in times of duress can change into a dysfunctional version of itself. A person who is normally careful (functional strength) can become wary (first level of excess) when under distress and can shift into being obsessive (second level of excess) when overwhelmed.

    [Careful > Wary > Obsessive]

Another route to excess: Hopeful >becomes> Disillusioned> becomes> Despairing.

The equation I have come to believe is that what limits us can make us stronger or better, in the right circumstances, and what makes us strong can feel bad, in the wrong circumstances.

One Thing To Do: Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. Write Good at the top of one side and Bad at the top of the other. List all the qualities you believe belong under each title. Then look at how each good thing could become a problem if overused, and look at how each bad thing can become a life lesson.

Dawna Daigneault

Dawna Daigneault, Eds, LPC

Dawna Daigneault, Ed.S., LPC.

Zest of Life, LLC. Professional Counseling.